The Dust Jacket Diaries

Literary Musings

Behind the parodies, famous passages, and reading lists curated for the discerning shelf.

“All happy families are alike; each unhappy family has its own group chat.”

Leo Tolstoy (probably)

opening line

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of WiFi, it was the age of buffering.”

Charles Dickens (updated)

opening line

“All happy families are alike; each unhappy family has its own group chat.”

Leo Tolstoy (probably)

opening line

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single person in possession of a good WiFi password, must be in want of fewer houseguests.”

Jane Austen (revised)

closing line

“So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the snack aisle.”

F. Scott Fitzgerald (hungry)

famous quote

“Not all those who wander are lost. Some are just looking for a phone charger.”

J.R.R. Tolkien (at 2%)

famous quote

“Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the thermostat controls the household.”

George Orwell (chilly)

literary wisdom

“The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to cancel your subscriptions.”

John Green (on a budget)

famous quote

“Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same — mostly anxiety and leftover pizza.”

Emily Brontë (relatable)

famous quote

“I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart: I am tired, I am tired, I am tired.”

Sylvia Plath (on a Monday)